Insert CATchy Title!

I received a call a few months ago from a (home) seller regarding a heavy cat odor in his home. I always ask, “On a scale of 1-5 with 5 being the worst, how would you rate the odor?”

Not to be judgmental, but cat owners are of a different breed of human. They are catatonic to their fluffy feline’s stench. What would be unacceptable to a non-cat owner, cat owners are flat out oblivious.

Anyway, his home smelled like a catastrophe and he needed my service. However, before he approved my service, he requested I address an email to his wife explaining why she should get rid of her cat.

I cat-shit you not!! Again, he requested “I WRITE TO HIS WIFE EXPLAINING WHY SHE SHOULD GET RID OF HER PET CAT!”

I sent an email explaining cat dander, cat spray and the difficulty of removing cat odor from a home. I explained my process. I wrote nothing about anyone getting rid of a family pet. Within minutes of sending my email, the home-owner called me reciting the following words, “You are of no use to me!” Then he abruptly hung up. I immediately called him back asking how long they’ve been married. He said 19 years. I asked if she was abusive and if he needed me to contact HMS (Health and Human Services). He said “no.” I asked if the cat liked playing with fuzzy balls because he obviously didn’t have any. I HUNG UP! It’s unlike me to be catty to potential clients, and I do everything in my power to avoid a catfight. However hanging up was very cathartic.

Unlike dog urine, cat urine is extremely foul and a different category. Cat urine in male cats is known as Felinine. Felinine enzymes break-down producing a pungent, ammonia type foul odor. Worse than skunk spray, dead rodent, or the Astro’s blowing game seven in a World Series…anything but cat spray.

But nonetheless, I earn my stripes converting odorous homes, even those catastrophes (I had to use that word again. I’m kinda proud of myself on that one!), and creating a Healthy, fresh home for the next inhabitant. Lastly, if you have cats and you are about to place your home on the market, please call me first. I’ll make your home purrrrfect!

Thank you!

Ed Kampf