By Ed Kampf
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22 May, 2021
Yes MC Hammer, You Can Touch This! A few months ago I met with my friendly competitor to borrow his fogger. At the height of COVID-19, foggers were on a 90 day backlog. As Don Corleone once said, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” My friendly competitor must have watched The God Father too! What are the odds? Anyway, he generously allowed me to borrower his expensive sprayer as we were now brother-in-arms fighting the deadly COVID virus. I drove to his turf and met him in a restaurant where he was lunching with his preacher. My friend-emy stood as I walked into the restaurant and greeted me with a handshake. He then introduced me to his lunch mate. I extended my hand and held it out until he uncomfortably agreed to shake. He stood while shaking and grumpily said, “Now I have to go wash my hands again.” I didn’t know what to say, so I remained silent as my friend and I walked outside to his truck. I told my friend, “please apologize to him; my intention wasn’t to place him in an uncomfortable position.” He told me not to worry about it…which I didn’t. (Why should I?). The next day, my friend sent me a sermon his preacher wrote about a Bible passage pertaining to extending a hand to a stranger and his initial tentative refusal to shake a strangers hand. (Me!). Plus his rudeness to such stranger. (Still me!). The sermon explained the disappointment and shame he felt second guessing a friendly gesture. So here we were; two men questioning their behavior over a newly-complicated act of simply shaking hands. Thank you COVID-19! Don’t shake hands, don’t touch your face, don’t touch door knobs, don’t leave your home, don’t forget your mask….can’t touch this, can’t touch that! Here we were, two shmucks meeting briefly. One following rules, one not. Why did I brazenly ignore a significant rule promoted by doctors, the CDC, FEMA, and Germaphobes? Did I feel indomitable? Or am I just an irresponsible dumb ass? Answers: I’ll explain. Kinda. Definitely. My explanation: Three years ago, I discovered Germ Free 24 hour hand sanitizer. One application forms an anti-microbial shield that destroys germs, bacteria & viruses (Covid-19) upon contact. As all hand sanitizer’s only destroy germs upon immediate application (while wet), Germ Free 24 goes into effect once dry. The antimicrobial shield lasts 24 hours. Only natural exfoliation will wear it off. No need for reapplication after hand washing. You can wash your hand 500 times, it will not wear off. This water-based magic hand sanitizer is 100% safe for kids and adults. Unlike all garbage hand sanitizers, Germ Free 24 will not dry skin or cause rashes. The science behind the anti-microbial hand sanitizer is absolutely brilliant. Remember, anything you place on your skin is absorbed into your blood stream within 26 seconds. One last point, in order for this hand sanitizer to place “lasts 24 hours” on its label, it had to undergo numerous laboratory testing. Imagine the liability!! One laboratory test rated Germ Free 24 safer than Vitamin C! (Tested by Bravatek Solutions, Inc. as effective against COVID 19). So was I brave, irresponsible or rude to extend my hand to a stranger? Nope, just confident I wasn’t going to infect or get infected by a stranger. I would have explained to him had he not rushed off to the restroom. Contact me for more info. Ed Kampf